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Implicitly, he was confirming that the problem was me, not other people’s treatment of me. Holding other people accountable for how they treat fat people is still very taboo.

That fat women have things to say to other people about the relationships between their body types and their romantic lives barely seems to register on the larger cultural radar.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, here’s the one starring the girl.

For me, the brilliance of Vanessa’s words was that she didn’t position fat women as tragic figures needing pity or shame, nor did she boldly claim sexual empowerment in the name of fat women everywhere.

Of course, for me, there is no understanding of my own privilege, power, or identity as a middle-class, queer-ish, white woman that isn’t also about being a middle-class, queer-ish, white woman.

I have always been a fat woman, so I don’t know what it is like to date as a thin person.

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